Wellness notes from Firefly 

Something that was - and sometimes still is - hard for me to accept: I have inherent value as a human being. That means my value to this world is not contingent on making money, pleasing other people, or accomplishing anything. I have value just by existing. And so do you. This concept is hard for a lot of people to accept, and it's even harder for victims of abuse. Being in a toxic relationship means you are regularly hearing negative things about yourself. I don't need to r

Every woman who has left an abusive relationship has a different story about how she got out. The details differ depending on how long the relationship lasted, whether it was a marriage, whether there were kids and assets to divide, or whether the parting was mutual. There might be lawyers involved. Leaving might be incredibly dangerous. But there's one thing most of us have in common: dealing with the aftermath of trauma. I thought that once I got away from my ex, I would be

I know this seems like an oxymoron. How can letting go of control actually help you regain control? The answer is: it depends on what you're trying to control. We live in a culture of individualism (at least in the United States where I am). "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" is a favored phrase when the reality is that it is physically impossible to do! That doesn't keep us from trying, though. What happens when we try to do the impossible and inevitably fail? We generall

You deserve so much more ... It seems strange for me to say but I didn't know I was being emotionally abused until it had been happening for years. I remember being in Borders on Michigan Avenue - it felt like such a safe space because I could browse books and my husband would never know what I was looking at. I found a book - I don't remember the title - that described emotional abuse and I was shocked. It described exactly what was happening to me. Another thing that might

I'm not the expert on you - you are! I don't have all the answers. Have you ever heard a coach say that? I haven't. Most coaches who are marketing themselves online will try to sell you on the idea that they know what's best for you. If you follow their program, you will be thin, healthy and joyous. You will change your mindset, be more productive than ever before and it will be sunshine and roses forever after. All for the low price of $10,000 and three months of your time.

My upcoming workshop focuses on protecting your peace during the holidays after abuse. I've been thinking about what that means and wanted to explain why I came up with this idea in the first place and how it can help other women getting out of abusive situations. When I got divorced, we decided to split custody 50/50 - each of us would have the kids every other week and we figured out how to share holidays. For reasons that maybe I'll explain at some point, I wasn't able to