On listening to your body (it isn't always as easy as some would have you believe)

Do you sometimes feel like your mind is disconnected from your body?

Those of us who lived through sustained trauma learned to ignore the signals our bodies give us. Our bodies were telling us we were in danger but our minds overruled those signals. Our bodies were signaling pain, but our minds said we needed to overcome weakness. After a time, there's only jumbled communication that leads to near constant stress.

I see social media influencers and others say "listen to your body, it will tell you what it needs." But my body and I don't have that kind of relationship. Yet. (I'm remembering the "attachment parenting" books I had when my first child was born. They said "listen to your baby, they will tell you what they need." But all I heard was crying and I felt like a failure when I couldn't distinguish between the "I'm hungry" cry and the "I'm cold" or "I'm hot" or "I'm tired" or "But I want to eat the crayon" cries. I tossed all those books before my second child was born.) Anyway ....

Sometimes I have no clue what my body needs. Am I hungry or thirsty? Am I tired or just procrastinating on something? Is that pain in my back real or just stress? If I feel unsafe, am I really unsafe or is it my trauma talking? I know I'm not alone in this but scrolling on Instagram, you would think that if I just "listened" to my body, I would be on the path to true salvation.

Some of this comes from childhood - my family didn't really understand or deal well with "big feelings." So I worked hard to not express big feelings. But your nervous system doesn't really distinguish between big and little feelings. Feelings are feelings and once you start suppressing them, you soon lose your ability to allow yourself to feel emotions. Either you turn them inwards or they explode outwards at inopportune times. I generally chose to turn them inwards.

As an adult, especially once I became a parent, my focus was on my kids (and my work and my spouse). My feelings, my needs - they didn't really matter. After years of that, I pretty much forgot that I actually had needs and feelings. Now that my kids are adults, I got rid of the spouse (no, I didn't kill him), I work for myself and live alone, I have all the time in the world to take care of myself. I make a living helping other women take care of themselves and yet, I still struggle with these things. It's so much easier to help other people than it is to help ourselves. Physician heal thyself and all that.

But I'm making progress. I'm realizing that I need more rest than some of my friends. And that's ok! I'm learning what times of day are best for me to work. Which foods give me energy and which ones my body doesn't love (even if my brain craves them!) I'm finally ridding myself of the feeling that everything I do has to be geared towards making money (that one is hard) - the pressure to "be productive" will eventually lead us all to burnout if we're not careful. Writing and doing different kinds of fiber arts are things that make me happy even if they won't lead to fame and fortune.

I'm helping my brain and my body be friends again. It isn't easy but it is worthwhile.

Are you struggling with mind/body disconnection? Even though I still struggle with it for myself, I'm damn good at helping other people establish better relationships with their bodies. Set up a free call and let's talk about it!