I am a survivor.

Trigger warning: I'm going to talk about domestic violence so please take care of yourself if this is a triggering topic for you.

This has been a tough year for me. From trying to grow my new business to working hard to get my father approved for Medicaid to having him die before getting approved for Medicaid - things have been rocky, emotional and overwhelming. So I took a month long break.

I have been working hard for the last couple of years, and other than short trips to visit my daughter in California, I haven't had a decent vacation in years. But by the end of July, it was clear I needed a break. No, this wasn't an "eat, pray, love" sort of travel the world adventure. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you it was perfect. I didn't journal every day. I didn't create a masterpiece of art. This was a break from burnout that I needed to take. Some days I didn't do anything other than watch television. But during this time I finally accepted that I have experience that can help other women like me and my business will now be helping those women.

I am a survivor of domestic violence. That is very hard for me to admit. Often the most I tell people is that my ex-husband isn't a good person. I don't like to think of myself as a survivor because that means that I was a victim. And I didn't want to admit that I was a victim for a couple reasons - I thought that I was to blame for the situation I found myself in and I didn't fit the "perfect victim" profile of a battered woman so I thought no one would really believe me.

My ex was a stay at home parent for a large portion of our marriage. I was the breadwinner and I made really good money. My kids were child actors and my ex was their manager. (Thankfully, we had enough money that we did not live off of our children's earnings.) Although I was the breadwinner, I was not in control of the money or really anything in our lives. My ex was controlling and managed to separate me from my family and most of my friends. There were people around us who sensed what was going on but they really didn't know the extent of the abuse nor did they know what to do to intervene in a helpful way. (Note: There is very little that outsiders can do to help unless it is supporting the abused person and helping them to get out). I was thankfully able to get divorced and get full custody of my kids after 15 years of marriage. It wasn't easy and it took way longer than it should have but I am one of the lucky ones who got out. That was about 15 years ago.

I got out but that didn't mean life was easy. I was a single mom to two kids. I had left my job as a lawyer and became a massage therapist so I could work less and spend more time with my girls. Suddenly I had to do all the things my ex literally wouldn't let me do - I hadn't done the grocery shopping or put gas in the car in years. (Because it was "dangerous" for me to put gas in the car and every time I shopped I got the "wrong" things or paid too much or did something else wrong.) And all three of us were traumatized from years of living with abuse.

Trauma is a bitch. I didn't even know until after the divorce that anyone other than soldiers in war could develop PTSD. I didn't know about trauma triggers or how to get my ex's voice out of my head. I didn't know how to help my daughters work through their trauma all while working through my own. So I didn't really work through my own trauma - I threw myself into making sure my girls were ok and taken care of. I didn't much focus on myself and my health and what I needed. I'm not complaining. I would do it again for them because that's what I wanted and needed to do as their mother. But it was fucking hard.

The trauma is something that will never go away but I have learned a lot about how to move past it. I've rebuilt my life and gotten my ex's voice out of my head (mostly). I still have triggers. I still struggle with anxiety at times. But I am ready now to share my experience and the things I've learned to help other women who are survivors of to put their lives back together and be healthier and happier.

So if this resonates with you, or if you know someone recovering from, or struggling with, domestic abuse, please send them my way. There is life after domestic abuse and I'm proof of that.